Moving on—Does Life with Gee Continue?

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Moving On—Life After Gee

It’s been very strange, coming home to an empty house. In so many ways, the 23 months we were together changed who I am so completely, and yet I feel like I have known Gee all my life, but I am often confused by the brevity of the time we had together—like there are memories I should have but have somehow lost. For three years, I lived in this house, but it was never really a home until Gee arrived. Again, it seems that it has become just a house I live in...

There are days where the silence, like that of the voice of my missing twin, is deafening, frightening, and leaves me feeling immensely alone. There are days where I feel her prescence, like she has just left a room and I have just missed her...when she is an almost tangible spirit. In some ways, I feel like I have lost the focus in my life... when Gee was here, I knew exactly who I was—I was Gee’s beloved—and I knew exactly why I was here—to be with Gee.

It’s a strange thing to realize that Gee has been gone longer than we were together... Stranger yet to realize that as time goes on... the relative time I spent with Gee is a smaller and smaller part of my life, yet one that has had an impact I am just beginning to realize.

My life with Gee continues, even though my beloved Gee lost her fight with pancreatic cancer on June 11, 2001. It had been seven months and seven days from when our wedding started to when she passed away. Like the loss of my twin—losing Gee is not something to be gotten over... but something that I'm learning to deal with.

If you were to ask me—knowing all I know now—that she would lose her fight with cancer—whether I would make the same decisions and choices I did—I would have to say yes. The time I spent with Gee, as brief as it was, was one of the most joyful and beautiful periods in my life... that to me a single day with Gee was worth a century of days without her. Much of who I have become today, I owe to the brief time I spent with her, and I am grateful that I got the chance to know, love and marry her.

Gee—wherever you are, I know you will hear me—I love you and miss you, still, be well and know that we will meet again.

I hope that you've gotten to know my Gee a bit through these pages and writings... If you want to know anything else, e-mail me.